The Midge Master

My encounters with midges over the years has finally paid off. I am launching The Midge-Master, soon to be on the top-ten list of essentials for all island baggers. It is a midge hat with five hi-speed fans that keep the bugs at bay. It's great fun to wear, especially if you are camping with others. You can watch as its hi-efficiency fans blow hordes of bloodthirsty midges over to your friends. Watch as they squirm and swat, while you sit comfortably enjoying a dram. What better way to spend a night under the stars!

As an added bonus, on windy days when the bugs are not a problem, the Midge-Master can be used as a generator to charge the fans and your smart phone. No longer will you have to fret about being off-grid. You'll be able to watch your favourite cat videos anywhere, from Mingulay to Rona. I well remember long nights camped on the far shores of Loch Reasort; the only sounds the gentle lapping of surf, the pitter-patter of rain on the tent, barking red deer, and drumming snipe. It was driving me crazy—oh how I longed for a fully-charged phone to catch up on the latest celebrity news. With the Midge-Master I'll never have to suffer such agonizing deprivation again—and neither will you. Details on how to purchase coming soon. 

Field testing The Midge-Master in Glen Corodale
Note the Tesco Brandy - when only the best will do!

Even though I've defeated the mighty midge, I will not be resting on my laurels. Under development is the next evolution in insect defense. After the midge, the fiercest foe of the besieged island bagger is the cleg: those big, fat, blood lapping devils, whose bite lingers long after that of the lowly midge. What's in development is the Cleg-Cap. Only one obstacle remains before it will be available to the public. I am having a bit of a problem keeping the Venus Fly-Traps attached to the cap from biting the wearer. On the plus-side they do keep down the dandruff. But no problem is insurmountable. A breakthrough is imminent, and some much needed relief will soon be on the way for bug-bothered island-baggers everywhere.

Iona Golf Course Expansion

Iona is celebrating the acquisition of its golf course by a major corporation. The old abbey has been turned into a 5-Star club-house with a rotating restaurant atop the tower.

The new owner intends to build a wall around the course to keep undesirable foreigners, like the vagrant in the next photo, off the links.

St Kilda International

Access to St Kilda will improve next year with the opening of St Kilda International Airport. It will have three runways, allowing planes to land regardless of the wind direction. Several major hotel chains are now bidding for a license to build a 300 room hotel atop Connachair, the highest hill on the island. The views should be outstanding, and each room will come with a bag of Bonxie chow, so you can feed the Skuas from your deck. Fantastic!

St Kilda International

Soon to be a common sight over Village Bay

I look forward to flying to St Kilda next year. But I do hope they improve the passenger lounge.